Its Saturday night. Valentines Eve :)
hmmm..well my day went great. It was the birthday party of my grandma, she's 85 years old. ..It was held at Kamayan Restaurant in Makati. Everybody is happy..ummm...well except me. Well, ok....with all honesty, define happiness.. Well I am happy...but...there's this emptiness in my heart that I cant seem to comprehend. Is it because of the season? While everyone is busy with their valentine getaway....planning for their date...buying roses for they love..and me? still thinking of him...Its really true, that when you're in a crowd of happy people, happy crowd, you can really feel the emptiness in your heart. I dont want to sound mushy in this. But its really true.
The birthday of my grandma 10 yrs ago...I was with him. It was celebrated on her 75th bday in Cabalen, also in Makati. Its just so sad for me, because, today...we are no longer together. Haisst....
Oh, last night, I went to my friend's pad in Makati. We hanged out with our friend in data...and let me share with you some insights about...
Second chances..or shall i say..third chances....or fourth..or whatever.
I have two friends..
both of them are different in terms of dealing with decisions and convicti ons.
The first one...when you do something wrong...YOU are wrong..and no chances given. Its over.
The second one ...when you do something wrong...there's still hope...there is still trust...
which do you prefer? which will you follow...
I dont have anything against the first one, because thats how she is. Thats why, I never tell her anything about my problems right now..because I know for a fact what she will say. You know difference between ..sympathize ..and emphatize? She sympathizes with you and thats it....
The second one though...believes in second chances...this is more of a patience is a virtue thing...I believe I am more like this. ...but until when....how far shall you go...and how far shall you wait for someone to realize the things he has done...to hurt you...
And bizaare thing happened. I have these two friends. Both of them are religious..prayerful. They have different love stories. But the similar thing to their life is...they are continuously praying for their loved ones to realize something. My friend told me that after so many years, her bestfriend confessed that he loves her....and my other friend was given flowers by her husband after so many years of questioning why her husband never gave her flowers.
With these kind of stories, it makes me feel that, there is still a spark of hope in us, if I just continue to pray and believe. ...I just realized those stories of hope awhile ago..while i was contemplating on my life....I wonder what he is thinking...right now. I still cry...and still hurts....but I want to be happy..geeshh..i am crying right now...the pain is just ...i just cant explain it.
Yep...there is hope.And as I sip my cranberry tea at starbucks awhile ago....I told myself someday, if ever I will learn to really let go of him...Ill go to bulacan..and say goodbye to his father...to whom I am very close...But you know what, as of now...I dont want that to happen...because as of now, I still hope that he will call or email me...explaining things...but i dont want to expect because I am full of fears...what if he wont do it? what if...its really over...
Oh God..please help me....please heal me...
still happy valentines......
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