End of February

I have to take this opportunity to say sorry for not writing a blog for how many days :(

I dont know, ive been busy with a lot of things. Emotional turbulence..but im okay now..until I saw the movie "miss you like crazy" last friday night. My bessy and I went to rockwell to watched the movie. The movie was great!. Nice movie lines..but..i just cant seem to imagine someone would do that for me. Haha. I somehow relate my story to that movie. Me as John lloyd...and maricar as my first love and bea as the other guy...LOL.

Lesson of the story? No matter where you are here on earth, if you really are meant for the person, you will soon see each other. Believe that. If not, then...its not meant to be at all. Another lesson? let go of the person you love, and if he/she comes back and she/hes yours...its hard at first, but you know what? maybe that hurt is worth all the pain.....and worth all the wait...

But for how long shall i wait? thats the question. Maybe the answer is...its comforting to know that you are not waiting...but then again, im getting old! : ( you know the feeling that, your life stops...because of it? while everyone is busy with their upcoming weddings..me...its back to zero..

maybe i should not wait..maybe i just need to just go on...move forward..I AM doing that. But sometimes i just cant help to think about him....it takes time...i know...

and that damn job im waiting its not calling! argggh :(

Please Lord...

No Coffee for me today - Coffee Brewer broke down :(

Its a hot tuesday afternoon. Whew.

I guess there was a reason why my coffee brewer at home broke down. I just saw that the glass of the coffee brewer has a crack on it. :( So no coffee for today! and i feel sluggish hehehe, but its okay because its soooo hot outside....i might just drink a cold iced fruit later, or maybe water.

Do you ever believe in rumors? What if someone you trusted believed it...and they did not even confront you to clarify things if its true? How would you react? Well, i will be hurt. I just dont understand why people make up stories to make them feel better. I feel sorry for them. Why dont they just live their own perfect life and go on with their lives right?

Today i promise myself to be positive. I wish Emersons will call now...haaay


Please God...

Monday - Does Garfield really hate it? :)

Its Monday and my body is aching because of the 21k run i had yesterday. But its all worth it..

Im at work today, sipping coffee awhile ago.. I was thinking about him again. My dad asked about him, my friend chelsea asked me about him as well. But im not yet ready to tell all...that its over...(maybe) because honestly, im still hoping. How long shall i hope? For how long....

I emailed tina...and she havent replied yet. I emailed Ate angie..and still no word...I dont want to email him because I know he will never reply. I emailed him once..but no word. Shall I let go..and live my life..and tell everybody? Why do i have to explain myself to everyone...its because they care about me. But ....i dont want to make it a big circus. I just want to be happy....I still love him and i miss him.. :( so much..

I hate mondays! argh

Saturday food hopping and Sunday 21k

Im writing another blog to celebrate the fun of eating :) Its nice to try new restaurants and try new cuisine once in awhile. My family went to Manila Ocean Park and tried Makasuntra Restaurant. Its not a fine dining place, its more on a fast food place that consists of various kinds of food in asia. Mostly singapore and malaysian food. I ordered So chicken Rice. Yum! And I heart their dessert, halo halo singaporean style :) I forgot the name of the dessert, but i highly recommend it. Not too sweet, unlike our filipino style halo halo. It consists of jellys, nata de coco, and other sweets...and most of all its has its distinct taste. It tasted like..."foreign dessert", as what I told my sister. hehehe :) The ambiance of the restaurant is superb. But for me, I would rather go there at around 5pm onwards, its nice to catch the sunset :) very romantic. Unlike if you go there on the peek afternoon time, its really hot, especially now, summer is just around the corner...the temperature during peak afternoon like 12noon to 3pm is scorching hot!

I give the restaurant a thumbs up! For more eating! :)

Well the next day, is the big day for me, because its my 3rd half marathon! :)

21-10 - This date marked again another memorable run for me. One of the milestones that would create and complete the Philippines first ever Run Rio Trilogy for the year 2010.

Around 10,000 runners joined this event, just imagine the number of runners inside The Fort. I feel sorry to all the drivers out there who experienced the traffic at an early morning Sunday. ;/

This is the first leg of the of the Run Rio Trilogy and Im very surprised that the Gun Start for 21k started 15 or 10 mins early! We knew the race will start at 5:20am. I haven’t done any warm ups or stretching yet and my hydration belt and ipod are not yet in place when the race started. Talk about pressure lol. We arrived 5:09 am at the site and we saw the big screen showing the countdown for 21k...10-9-8-7-6-5-3-2-1. I asked my sis, is this for us? I was confounded by it..and yes it is! haha. A thumbs down to the organizers for not properly informing the runners :( I was a bit stressed on my first 1k, but i reminded myself to finish strong no matter what it takes. I don’t want any negative thoughts while running!

Well, a thumbs up to the organizers for putting enough water station, lots of freebies, and most of all, I can’t take my eyes away from those gorgeous sexy bods of Century Tuna's Brazilian men models who were stationed to give us water. LOL.

On my way to Heritage Park, I felt an intense pain on my right knee, so I have to walk and do some stretching. It was a challenge for me because there's a bit of uphill inside the cemetery and the sun is scorching hot. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my last km because there were a lot of "paparazzi" who took time to click their professional cameras and capture my own victory. (Thank you photovendo). I was surprised because when i saw the word "finish line" from afar, my name was called...haha, the emcee said in loud speaker, "lyn tanada, on her way to the finish line...that’s lyn tanada to the finish line, congratulations!".

Congrats to all runners out there. No matter what the distance, we are all winners in our own way. I salute you for finishing strong. :)

Thank you Century Tuna for promoting healthy lifestyle. As what Derek Ramsay says "Eat healthy, live healthy!" :)

Run Rio Trilogy
Leg 1- Finished
Leg 2 - May 2010 21k
Leg 3 - Nov 2010 32k - (so help me God)

Restaurant Experience - Thursday

Ok...Thursday night was so fun!

I got to experience to eat in two restaurants in one night! :) It was a company dinner given to all employees who managed to perfect their attendance last year. And i was one of them! :) We went o A Venue in Makati avenue, the food was great...ambiance was fab! Live karaoke is a plus. I highly recommend this place. A bit pricey but its all worth it.

Me and my friends took a cab, on our way there, we saw this new restaurant. Its a Mediterranean restaurant. We are quite curious, because its not only a restaurant but it say "Coffee shop". I rarely find a Mediterranean coffee shop here in the city. So after the dinner, me and my bessy decided to hop in and try this new coffee shop/restaurant. Im a coffee and tea addict, but my bessy does not drink any of these unless i force her hehehe. But anyway, we were welcomed. The place is so big for a coffee shop though, and the manager told us that the restaurant will have their grand opening two weeks from now. So we are actually one of the few firsts customers, hmm thats why we are given this outmost hospitality hehehe.

I ordered Halib tea, its actually a milk tea. It tasted good...not an ordinary and usual tea i drink everyday. THe waiter gave a sample dessert, its like a "kamote" dried fruit. Its sweet, but i dont like the taste that much. Me and my bessy sat down outside, coz we dont like the coldness of the non smoking area. Since there are no smokers outside, we sat down beside the window. It was very relaxing, music is relaxing although we cant understand whats playing because the song is in a different language. I just cant depict if its arabic or indian song. Oh by the way, The name of the restaurant is Albatra. :) According to the manager, we actually talked to the manager itself, he is so friendly ehhehe. We were introduced to the head of the restaurant as well, he is a Syrian national. Both of them worked in Saudi Arabia and the owner which is a Jordanian decided to put up a restaurant here in makati. Its 24 hour restaurant, I hope that it will survive knowing that its 24 hours huh. The restaurant's name Albatra was taken from a place in Jordan. Its one of the favorite touris destinations of the owner. Thats the reason why he named the place Albatra.

Next time we will be trying out other restaurants and I will write it!

So..I know you're asking what I am thinking while i was drinking my Halib Tea...hmmmm so many thoughts lingered in my mind...my work, my life and him..again! :( But in fairness to me, i did not cry anymore, maybe because I was too busy planning my life ahead..or am i just in denial again. The hurt is still there..but i try to erase it from my heart..because its not doing me good.

Do you ever have regrets? But i know that to live a happy life, there should be none. Because sometimes I do. What if i did not make that decision, what if I chose him...no...i should not think of the other him anymore, because I know I hurt him so bad. and its not fair to him for me to keep in touch with him. Its not fair for him. He doesnt deserve me.

So...I just move forward. Whatever happen will happen....

So please Help me God....whew thank you i survived this week....

21k this sunday....

Happy weekend guys.....

Thursday

Not much to say huh...all i can say today is a great day! A new day! God has been good to me..and Im greatful for that.

Positive thinking...forward thinking. Dont grude the past at the present, it will do not do good on you...

I drank 2 cups of coffee today by the way...very refreshing. Im quite hungry though hehehe.. I havent eaten my lunch yet. Outside is sooo hot! Summer is really here! Hay time flies! next is rainy season...For now, let me enjoy the ray of sunshine here at my office desk...and today is another day...yesterday is gone...

Happy Thursday!!

Wednesday - Midweek - Midlife crisis?

Its Wednesday that is.

Mid of the week, time flies huh. I woke up feeling blank today, actually I slept for 9 hours straight. And when i woke up, I felt nothing. Am i beginning to be numb? hehehe. And i cant stop singing the song "miss you like crazy" . But i like the version of nathalie cole than erik santos. No offense to erik..because some the lyrics were not included in the revised song. Nevertheless, I will watch the movie next week with my bestfriend! cant wait. Sigh...

Its ash wednesday..will go to church later at 530pm. Until now, emersons havent called me yet..and why does it taking them so long?? time is running and i really want to have a change in my life right now...February is almost over...and now what? haay...oh please God..help me find the way.

Sometimes, I feel that Im having a mid life crisis. Caught in between,nowhere to go...life is begininng to be dull, monotonous...i feel im useless...and my lovelife is zero. But i know God is with me and He will never leave me..I just want to be happy..


where is he?....

Tuesday is the new monday for me

Yup. I was on VL yesterday. I ran at CCP and this morning I ran as well. It felt good.

Let me share to you my experience yesterday while I ran at CCP. It was around 430 pm. The sun is still up. I was a bit emotional yesterday, because I feel I am losing my grip on him, and I have to accept the fact that its over, but God is so good because He has His own way of showing and giving me strength. There was a billboard along the highway with bible quotes. It says " I can do all thing in Christ who gave me strength." Its really true. Despite the hurts that I feel right now, the longingness to be with that specific person, the pain, despair and hopelessness in my job. God is everywhere in that moment. He never left me. After all the people that I cared for left me, I feel that his family has turned their backs on me as well, after all of that, God never left me. I give praise to you Lord. You were there in the wind, in the ray of sunshine, the smoke, the buzzling sound of jeepneys, you were there every step I ran. And even if I was alone that time, I can feel God is running with me.

I believe there is a methaphor in running. Life is like running, initially, its tiring, but after awhile you pursue yourself no matter what. You run even if it feels like you dont know where the finish line is. Until now, Im still confounded by the fact that he left me. And he did not bother to keep in touch with me even just one hi or hello. After all these years, it was just like that. I never thought that would happen to me. I thought that only happens in movies...until now, it hurts me so bad. I pray ..i still do and I will continue do so...

Then this morning I ran again. I went to the rooftop and saw this amazing view. The sunrise, the city. And i know God is with me again. THank you Lord.

And now, im back in the office. Starting my week work. I pray ....for strength. I hope this week Emersons will call me. Please please please...

Happiness is a choice - Letting go of the past

Its monday.

I thank God, I survived another season.

I am on leave today, I need this time alone by myself. To think about my life...to rebuild myself. Although I know, I wont be able to rebuild myself overnight, but i know somehow I can have time for myself and pray. I prayed a lot yesterday before I went to sleep. I even cried. I am still hurting...and I think about my life today. There are so many what ifs...but I should just let go of the what ifs..and not live in the past. Its over...and I can do anything to change it, but to do something today. TODAY is whats important. I looked at my friend's page at fb..and sometimes I feel jealous...their life seems so perfect...happy and contented..and I looked at mine...its so blank and lifeless...but i know i should not be feeling this way, because I know I am blessed...blessed in so many ways...and i should be thankful.

I was praying so hard last night, I pray that God will enlighted him..i lit a candle for a prayer. And im happy because there are 4 people who lit a candle to pray for him. Thank you whoever you are in this world..thank you...

I need to be strong..i need to just move forward...and help myself really. I dont want to be sad and crying all the time. Oh God please help me...

Ill be running later at the oval around 430..or 5pm. Just to relax and get off whatever negative energy within me. Oh please..whoever reading this...please pray for me...

Accepting

Its valentines day and its chinese new year...

Not much of a celebration. Just hanged out with my family.

I did not drink coffee or tea today, just water. Again, I still feel the hurt. You know, I ve been close to his family for a very long time. But now, I feel that I dont know them anymore. I tried to disconnect myself to them, I want to delete them on my yahoo messenger list, but I cant. What did they do to hurt me? There is only one person who hurt me...but I feel I need to do this, because its the right thing to do...I want to delete them from my fb account...but it will be too obvious...

I can feel that they dont want to talk to me anymore..and they too shut me out. Its okay, and i think im thankful for that because I can move on. I just cant stop but to feel hurt and to cry..haha...I wanted to ask God, if I wasted my 10 yrs...but I know I gained something...I did.

I just hope the pain would just go away...but i know i have to go through series of process...oh God..the pain is just so..unexplainable...

I just did it..I deleted them...i have to do it...im sorry...

Cranberry Tea Moments @ Starbucks The Fort

Its Saturday night. Valentines Eve :)

hmmm..well my day went great. It was the birthday party of my grandma, she's 85 years old. ..It was held at Kamayan Restaurant in Makati. Everybody is happy..ummm...well except me. Well, ok....with all honesty, define happiness.. Well I am happy...but...there's this emptiness in my heart that I cant seem to comprehend. Is it because of the season? While everyone is busy with their valentine getaway....planning for their date...buying roses for they love..and me? still thinking of him...Its really true, that when you're in a crowd of happy people, happy crowd, you can really feel the emptiness in your heart. I dont want to sound mushy in this. But its really true.

The birthday of my grandma 10 yrs ago...I was with him. It was celebrated on her 75th bday in Cabalen, also in Makati. Its just so sad for me, because, today...we are no longer together. Haisst....

Oh, last night, I went to my friend's pad in Makati. We hanged out with our friend in data...and let me share with you some insights about...

Second chances..or shall i say..third chances....or fourth..or whatever.

I have two friends..
both of them are different in terms of dealing with decisions and convicti ons.

The first one...when you do something wrong...YOU are wrong..and no chances given. Its over.
The second one ...when you do something wrong...there's still hope...there is still trust...

which do you prefer? which will you follow...
I dont have anything against the first one, because thats how she is. Thats why, I never tell her anything about my problems right now..because I know for a fact what she will say. You know difference between ..sympathize ..and emphatize? She sympathizes with you and thats it....
The second one though...believes in second chances...this is more of a patience is a virtue thing...I believe I am more like this. ...but until when....how far shall you go...and how far shall you wait for someone to realize the things he has done...to hurt you...

And bizaare thing happened. I have these two friends. Both of them are religious..prayerful. They have different love stories. But the similar thing to their life is...they are continuously praying for their loved ones to realize something. My friend told me that after so many years, her bestfriend confessed that he loves her....and my other friend was given flowers by her husband after so many years of questioning why her husband never gave her flowers.
With these kind of stories, it makes me feel that, there is still a spark of hope in us, if I just continue to pray and believe. ...I just realized those stories of hope awhile ago..while i was contemplating on my life....I wonder what he is thinking...right now. I still cry...and still hurts....but I want to be happy..geeshh..i am crying right now...the pain is just ...i just cant explain it.

Yep...there is hope.And as I sip my cranberry tea at starbucks awhile ago....I told myself someday, if ever I will learn to really let go of him...Ill go to bulacan..and say goodbye to his father...to whom I am very close...But you know what, as of now...I dont want that to happen...because as of now, I still hope that he will call or email me...explaining things...but i dont want to expect because I am full of fears...what if he wont do it? what if...its really over...

Oh God..please help me....please heal me...

still happy valentines......

Loving is Giving

Its friday night.

Even if i dont have any valentine gift today or I dont have a special someone in my life right now.

I am so proud because I did something today that made my day, and most importantly I made people around me HAPPY.

It is true that in giving you gain something.

1. I gave my friends valentine chocolate gifts and kiss each one of them. :)
2. I suggested a venue for a valentine date to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I did that for my 2 bestfriends, tina and earl. I booked a table for them :) so sweet
3. I was happy because Earl gave tina set of flowers and tina was surprised! Earl never gave flowers after so many years. And this is the first time...haaay...I am happy for them.

And now, even if my life is not complete, I am complete in some ways. I was happy in giving and doing something good for others. And that makes me complete and happy.

Now i know that, being happy is a choice. I made a choice today and I achieved it.

Tomorrow...i know it will be a struggle...but I know I will make it through again....big steps comes from small steps right? :)

Friday coffee moments - 2nd day

Hello there.

Its friday. 2 days before Valentines day of 2010 and chinese new year.

Since I dont have anybody this Valentines day, yeah..sad to say haha and even if I feel sad and alone this season, I have to give something to other people. As the saying goes, when you feel sad or lonely, reach out to other people, give without expecting anything in return, with that, you will feel happy.

I started my day with coffee...at home. I asked, "who wants coffee?" my grandma and my mom both shouted "me!" so i brewed......

As I sip it, so many things dashed through my mind, again, i thought about him, i asked myself, is he thinking of me this valentines day? when he sees flowers or daisies..does he even bother to think about me? and then i thought about Emersons, why on earth does it taking them so long to call me back for an interview? haay. I badly need a change of career and I want it. :( And i think about the party im going to attend to later..and tomorrow, my grandma's bday. So many things are happening in my life right now, but still i think about this one person. I thought about his family, I decided to shut them out from my facebook. I did not delete them, but I just blocked them in seeing my upload pics and status. I did that because everytime i see them, it hurts me, and i just want to move on with my life. In short, I want to help myself. Its never easy, but I will get there.

I cried and i was emotional last night, when I heard ruthie is resigning. A lot of people left the company and explored their horizons...its a brave thing to do. I wish i have that courage. But i know i have. I just need to have a good job to land on to. So please God, i hope Emersons will call...and if not, i need to search again for another one. Maybe its not meant for me.

As I about to stepped outside, I thought about a scripture in the bible. Its says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding" . I cried, because as much as I want to reason out and understand my current situation, I feel that its never gonna be okay. I sometimes ask God, when will this end? Then i realize, God will never give me any setbacks that He knows I cant take. He knows I am strong to handle these things. And He knows what is in my heart. I cried because im still hurting so much about a love that was lost.

How do you heal a broken heart....

but nevertheless...happy valentines day everyone. Life is still good and God is good....

First day of coffee moment

Well....

Coffee makes me think a lot of things happening in my life. I could drink it anytime of the day. But ofcourse, i dont want to drink it before bedtime.

Today, I drank it with my grandmother. She is the only woman I know who does not dwell on her problems too much. She is a strong woman, and i really do admire her so much. She talks too much though, if you start a conversation with her, it will be a long long walk until you fall asleep. She and my grandfather (whom i never get the chance to meet) met in the province. They have one daughter (my mom) and unfortunately, the rest of my mother's siblings died because of miscarriage. My grandpops was a seaman, and as "men" do when they are far away from their loved ones...had one affair with a korean woman. And that one affair lead to them having three children. So to cut the story short, my mom has 3 half brothers and sisters...and they are koreans. I wonder how they look like today. My mother now is in pursuit of finding them. I forgot their names, something like --- Gu-sun pyo...I dont know..Their names confuse me.

So, I sat awhile ago with my grandma while savouring this very divine coffee. (brewed) with brown sugar. While I sipped it, my grandma started to talk about her upcoming birthday celeb this saturday. Her birthday is on February 14. How cool is that? Double celebration huh. She is excited, and she showed me her red dress.

While I sip my coffee, and listening to her, my mind wandered again about my life. Kinda dull, going to work in awhile...struggling to be happy, waiting for Emersons to call for a future interview with them, and thinking of a love that i had lost. Until now, I still think about him, and it confuses me a lot. My grandmother likes him, she knows him for almost 10 yrs as well and she often asks me when is the big day, but I dont want to dwell on that topic anymore because I really dont know the answers to that...so move on to the next question please.....

Then my last sip of coffee ended..when her favorite tv show started. Wowowee....I went upstairs...and get ready to work...off to start my day....